A story about a girl

I finished my vampire story.  I actually finished it just a few days before Christmas.  Well, it’s not so much a vampire story as it is a semi-autobiographical story, a snapshot of myself when I was 16 years old.  It hits around 70,000 words.  I think I deleted about 20 pages cause some of it was just too private, even if I don’t ever get it published. 

That’s the kicker.  I don’t know if I want to publish it.  I don’t know if it’s even publishable.  It’s almost too private to share.  I don’t know if anyone else can relate to it.  I’m so attached to it, that I can’t even tell if it’s good or not.  It’s kind of scary, honestly.  I feel like I’d be selling a piece of my soul. 

I’ve decided to let a few people read it-my husband, my creative partner, and my sister.  I’ll let them decide what I should do with it. 

It’s nice finally completing a novella.  It’s a bit of a relief knowing that I can finish such a big writing project.  It’s kind of odd being done though.  You put all of your effort into doing something and then it’s done and afterwards, you’re not sure what to do with your time.  Lucky for me, the feeling isn’t that bad.  I’m already writing another story.  I’m already up to over 10,000 words and this story, I’m pretty sure is quite publishable, but I doubt I’m really a good judge of that. 

Twinkle, twinkle, little vampire, how I wish you weren’t here at all

I finally caved in and I read it.  I read the Twilight series books.  It was about what I expected. 

IT WAS COMPLETE AND UTTER DRIVEL!  The characters had no depth.  The plot was completely predictable. 

The reason I read them was to try to understand them.  This twilight stuff is all over books and the movies are hugely selling and I just couldn’t understand what seemed so interesting about them.  Finally, I had to find out. 

I wish I hadn’t bothered.  There was nothing redeeming about the books whatsoever!  The characters are no role models.  They have no depth to them.  The girl, the main character, is shallow, insecure, downright dumb, pathetic really.  The vampires are quite downright weak.  Honestly, they sparkle in sunlight?!  They have venom?!  The plot was boring.  There was nothing interesting at all.  It was mind-numbing.  I have to stop.  I could go on and on about how horrible these books are. 

I don’t get it!  I don’t see the appeal.  It makes me want to burn something, burn sparkling vampires.  This is what girls read and dream about?  Have they nothing solid in their heads?  There were no morals, no themes, no depth. 

It makes me determined, to write my novel.  That’s the only good thing that will come from my having read these detestable stories. 

Do you know what the sad part about this is?  I am now going to force myself to watch the movies.  It’s more continued research.  I’m curious as to how this crap translates onto the big screen.  It seems like any decent book gets smashed to bits to be put into a 2 hour movie.  A simple thing like probably gets adapted quite well into a movie though. 

Honestly, cry for me.  I fear I will have no strength afterwards to do so for myself. 

The Calm before the Storm

There are times when I have witty posts of observations about life and the joys and sorrows of being human.  Unfortunately, this is not one of those times.  The holidays are coming closer.  Deadlines must be met!  My mind gets obsessed over things like that. 

The house is fairly clean.  Cookies have been baked.  The pumpkin pie has been baked.  We are ready for Thanksgiving!  I’m looking forward to it.  Holiday shopping is getting done.  The holiday pic has been taken and now just needs to be added to the cards.  Then boxes will be mailed off on time and all will be done for the holidays til the big day of opening presents and being with family.  I repeat, I’m actually looking forwards to things and not getting stressed about just the idea of it all.  Who knows though? This might just be the calm before the storm and then the mass panic will happen but til then, I’m going to enjoy things!

Happy birthday to me!

Yup, it’s my birthday, and the curse continues!  No lie, something always goes wrong on my birthday.  People usually get bad luck on Friday the 13th or something like that.  The funny part is that Friday the 13th is my lucky day.  I usually find money on the ground, everyone is super nice or just in general something good happens.  My birthday is the cursed day.  Something always goes wrong, whether someone is rude to me for no apparent reason, I lose something, something just in general goes wrong.  This year is no big deal.  All I wanted was an ice cream cake.  My husband bought me a cake and he thought it was an ice cream cake.  It was just a regular ice cream cake that was stuck into the freezer where ice cream cakes were supposed to be at.  Honestly, it just figures.  LoL.  I appreciate the fact that he tried and I don’t blame him for the mistake at all.  It was the birthday curse!  A toast-here’s to another year of me and may next year the curse be broken! 

Happy Everything!

Today has a double meaning for me and my family.  It is, of course, Veteran’s Day.  My husband has been in the army for almost 9 years now.  He’s been deployed twice.  So, honor all those who have given up so much to serve our country.  The other special thing about today is that it is my daughter’s birthday.  She is 3 years old.  She’s no longer a baby!  Just a few days ago, my husband and I celebrated our 8 year anniversary.  In another few days will be my birthday.  I’m not quite 30 yet.  So celebrate, people!  That’s all I have to say for today. 

I wanna be a Gilmore Girl!

Remember that show Gilmore Girls that was horribly canceled before its time?  It’s about these 2 crazy women, a mother and a daughter, who talked fast with crazy culture references who lived in a town with quirky neighbors and friends.  I loved that show.  I still love that show.  I miss that show!  How could they let that show be canceled??  It makes me cry!  Seriously there wasn’t anything like it on before and I doubt there ever will be.  It was a great show.  It was fun, funny, smart, quirky with a great portrayal of different relationships.  It’s the kind of relationship I hope to have with my daughter.  Maybe I can get her to watch the show with me . . .yeah, I doubt it but a girl can dream.  I doubt it would translate well but maybe they could bring it back as a movie? 

In case you have forgotten, I’ve been watching the show as part of my mini-vacation and I’ve been enjoying it muchly! 

Anyone still here?

I had planned on being fairly diligent with this blog and posting every Wed. but as anyone can tell, that obviously hasn’t been happening.  It’s not like anyone is likely reading this blog anymore since the class that started this blog ended last term and it’s now the end of another term.  I just happen to like doing this, being able to put down my random thoughts. 

Anyway, another term has ended.  I knocked out all 3 of my finals last night and I got an A on all of them.  I’m quite proud of myself.  I’m actually pretty on top of things right now.  I’ve started writing out Christmas cards already so all I have to do is write a quirky message in one and mail it off when it’s time.  I finished a nice afghan for my parent’s for their Christmas present (which I can freely put up here cause my parents don’t speak English very well and so don’t get on the internet at all).  I had made pillows for my nieces and nephew and mailed them off months ago, which their mother is now holding.  I’ve almost got all birthday and Christmas gifts lined up for my daughter.  There’s a tentative plan in place on what to get my husband for Christmas, which depends on a few different factors.  My husband is supposed to paint something for his parents, which I do hope will work out cause I don’t really have a backup idea for them.  I’m at a lost to what to get for the actual niece and nephew, which my husband says not to even bother but I don’t feel it’s right to punish the kids for the parent’s un-actions.  Honestly, that’s not bad at all, for not even being Halloween yet. 

I’d have to say that I’ve earned the next 2 weeks off, but let’s face it, I’m a workaholic.  Any vacation ends up being a working vacation.  My goals for this vacation—watch the last season of Gilmore Girls on DVD, watch season 6 of House on DVD and if I can squeeze it in, watch an anime series or 2.  In between all of that I’ll continue the holiday shopping, writing out Christmas cards, taking care of the house, various activities with my daughter and whatever other random project that tickles my fancy.  Of course, I’ll blog too. 

Tis almost the season

I know that it just barely turned autumn but I am already seriously freaking out about the holidays coming up.  The equinox was just last week and all that but Oct. is coming up and once that hits, it’s going to start going insane for me. 

In the third week of Oct., we’ll get pumpkins to carve and bags of candy to pass out.  Halloween will hit.  Within a few weeks of that is the anniversary.  My husband and I will have been married for 7 years and will be going on 8 years.  Right after that is my daughter’s birthday.  She will be turning 3.  Days after that is my own birthday.  I don’t think I’m quite hitting 30 yet.  I’m fairly sure I’ll be turning 29 but I’ll do the math later to make sure I’m right.  Soon after will be Thanksgiving.  Of course, there is then the insanity of Christmas with the writing of holiday cards, holiday family pictures and the holiday shopping.  New Years will follow shortly after.  But it won’t end there for me.  I have to start organizing and packing my house as about a month or 2 later I will be moving back home to PA. 

Having to do all that, along with the everyday things that keeps the household and life moving, is going to crazy because school and life with a 2 year old isn’t already enough. 

Can I just say ‘Bah humbug’ now and get it over with? 

My hero of the day . . .

is my husband.  He came home today from the training trip.  I’m happy.  Not much more needs to be said besides that.  :)

GOO!!

Today is the release date of the newest Goo Goo Dolls CD!  They’re my absolute fav. band in the world!  I pre-ordered mine and am just waiting for it to arrive in the mail!  I can’t wait that long!  Now, that I’ve got the squealing out of the way . . .honestly, I was tempted to put that all in caps.  lol. 

As I said, they’re my fav. band of all time.  I have a copy of every album that they’ve made, even their first album that’s no longer available.  This isn’t just a ‘omg! they’re so cute!’ band crush type of thing.  Their music saved my life.  When I was 16, I was in a really dark time, going through major insomnia, anorexia and anxiety attacks, even thoughts of suicide, everyday.  First time I heard the song “Slide” I cried.  It was such a huge release to hear that someone might actually understand what I was going through and telling me things that I needed to hear.  I immediately bought the album and the only way I was able to sleep at night at all was by listening to the album on repeat til I finally drifted off.  If it wasn’t for their music, I honestly think I would have killed myself.  Ever since then, I’ve been hooked to their music and it’s helped me through some very tough times in my life. 

The beginning of the 5th term

The beginning of a new term is always nerve wracking for me.  The work is coming, I know that it’s coming and I get anxious for it to start so that I can hurry up and get it out of the way.  It’s the waiting that gets to me.  Once the term officially starts, I’m rushing through the first few weeks so that I can get ahead in reading, and working on projects and whatnot.  Then I’m fine and actually try to have fun with the material and with the meeting of new classmates and a new professor and all that. 

Anyway, this term I have Diseases of the Human Body and Pharmacology.  Both seem very interesting so far.  Both look to be like a lot of work.  I hope it won’t take me too long to feel like I’ve caught up with everything. 

Good luck to anyone else out there starting another term of school!

Life as a soldier’s wife

No matter how often it happens, it never gets easier to be separated from the one you love.  Hubby is going to be gone for a while and I miss him already. 

Being a soldier’s wife is definitely a tough job.  I don’t think it’s something most people don’t understand until they’ve lived through it.  I certainly didn’t understand it until I started living through it.  Being a wife and mother in general is a full time job but take away your main support and it gets that much more tougher, then throw in the fact that your main support system is being put into a dangerous situation and the stress gets multiplied even more.  I’ve had to live that twice.  Luckily for me this time, my hubby’s only going on a training trip but it still sucks to be apart from each other. 

Don’t worry, I’m not complaining.  I went into the situation fully aware of how things happen when you’re married to a solider.  It’s just too bad most other people weren’t as aware.  Unfortunately, divorce is pretty high in the military.  I hear all sorts of horror stories of how marriages and relationships have fallen apart because of being in the military.  The hubby and I are definitely lucky to still be married and not only love each other still but also still actually like each other.  As cheesy as it sounds, I’m proud to be a soldier’s wife. 

The end of my 4th term

It’s kind of sad but it’s already the end of term.  10 weeks always seems like it buzzes by so quickly.  Time always flies, which it really does the older we get.  Remember when we were younger and it felt like forever until it would be Christmas again?  Well, it’s true.  There was a study done a long while back that says time passes more quickly as we get older. 

Anyway, I hadn’t planned on ever doing a blog again but since class had demanded that I do so, I found how much I missed just ranting, raving.  It’s kind of nice to get those jumbled thoughts out of my head and into an actual working idea that I can share, whether anyone reads it or not.  So I’ve decided to continue this little blog.  Anyone who plans to continue their blog, please let me know and I will continue to follow yours. 

Of course, I wish everyone the best of luck in the future.  :)

Life without a phone?

A few days ago I was outside with my daughter as she splashed in her kiddy pool.  All it took was a small bump and the phone slips out and drops into the water.  I fished it out as quick as possible but it was too late and it was a goner.  Or so I thought.  A few hours later it had dried up and was working perfectly fine again.  I was so absolutely thrilled that my phone came back to life.  I was so sure it was busted that I had actually called the cell insurance co. and ordered a new replacement.  Luckily, I was able to cancel the claim without any problems. 

If my phone really was dead and I wasn’t getting a replacement for a few days . . .let’s just say life would have been horrible without a cell.  See, a few years ago, the hubby and I got rid of the regular phone line and just stick with cells to save some cash.  My cell is the only link I have to the outside world.  It’s a dramatic thought I know but that’s how it feels.  I was a bit frantic at the idea of not being able to call anyone if I needed help, or just missing the joy of being able to call someone if I just needed to chat with an adult since most days it’s just my daughter and I.  I never realized how much of a literal life line a phone can be.  It’s not just a cell either.  It’s my alarm clock, my schedule, my calendar, my personal reminders.  My husband jokes that it’s my 2nd brain, and most times I have to agree with him.  I don’t know what day it is without my cell phone.  I’m sure I would have survived without a phone for a few days but I don’t think I would have been a happy person.  I never realized how much I’ve come to depend on my cell phone. 

that horrible thing called free time . . .

I know, I know.  Free time is that thing that is long sought for, complained for and so on.  And lately, I’ve had a lot of it, and it’s driving me nuts.  I’m just one of those people who can’t stand not having something to do.  I always have to be doing something cause if I’m not doing something, well, bad things tend to happen.  I get curious, I take things apart, I get snoopy and, just plain, get into things that I should be into. 

I would be writing on one of my stories but I seem to be stuck and can’t seem to get past these points in my head.  The only thing I can do is wait for my brain to work through them.  Of course, there’s always schoolwork but a person can only work on that so much before she’s ready to murder someone.  I had been crocheting but I finished my project.  I made a sweater for my dog for when when it will get cold in the winter.  Leave me alone--my dog was born in Las Vegas and for the first 5 years of its life we lived in Louisiana so until we moved here to Kansas, he had never deal with cold and snow before.  I was trying to crochet myself a pair of socks but that was a bit of a failure since I couldn’t figure out to modify the pattern to fit me correctly and now I don’t have enough yarn for any interesting project.  The house is as organized as it can be, considering the fact that I just have to get rid of stuff to goodwill and whatnot.  I have been practicing with my bamboo flute and my Irish tin whistle, but I can only practice so much at a time before my dog cries or until my kid takes the instrument from me to try it for herself.  I have also been reading but again, if I keep reading at the rate I’m going I won’t have anything in this house to read soon.  I would paint again but it’s not really something you want get into with a 2 year old around. 

Do you see the lengths I go to keep myself busy?  I need another creative, constructive project.  I may have to take up cross-stitching, since crochet was a bust.  I mean, really, what does one do with free time?

Into the Wild

I recently watched the movie Into the Wild.  It’s a true story about a guy who gives up life from a well-to-do middle America family.  He just graduated with a nice college degree and could have been on the fast track to a cushy job, and instead decides to thumb his way across the country for about 2 years.  He does this with as few belongings as he could, no money, the writings of his fav authors such as Tolstoy, Thoreau and Jack London and a journal of his journey.  He disappears on his family, gives himself the name of Alexander Supertramp and meets up with different people in his travels.  His ultimate dream is to live in the wilds of Alaska.  He does make it to Alaska with no compass or map, where he lives 112 days on his own, until he dies of starvation. 

He died a stupid death.  Going into the basic wilderness without any major survival knowledge and serious supplies was basic suicide but you kind of got to give him credit.  He decided to see if he could make it almost solely on his own balls and I kind of admire him for it.  He had a dream and he went for it, come hell or high water.  Most people definitely don’t have that sort of guts. 

As for me personally, I’m working on my dream.  I want to be a writer.  I’m writing my own story.  I am my own Alexander Supertramp.  I wonder how many people can say that?

the sketchbook project

In my wanderings of the jumbled mass called the internet, I happen to stumble upon an interesting thing being done called the sketchbook project.  arthousecoop.com/projects/sketchbookproject
Basically, for $25, they send you a sketchbook.  You pick a theme beforehand and you then fill the sketchbook up with your artwork.  You send it back to them and it becomes part of this library of sketchbooks that goes on an art exhbit tour.  People can visit this art exhibit to look through all these sketchbooks that people have done and even check out the sketchbooks like a library. 

I think it's a pretty nifty idea.  It gets you to be creative, which is always a good thing.  It's an interesting way of getting your art out there into the world.  I don't in any way consider myself an artist but I like to dapple in doodling.  I think it might be fun to do.  I haven't quite decided whether I'm going to do it but I may bring it up with my husband and art is his passion.  I think it's something anyone should consider doing. 

movie makes & remakes

I find it funny that we're in 2010 and we're basically reliving the 1980's. Movies these days are all about reliving childhood. They made 2 Transformers movies with another in the makes. There was that GI Joe movie a while back. The Smurfs movie as a live action flick is going to be released sooner or later. The Karate Kid got a really weird modern day makeover. There are a whole bunch more. It's kind of nice having such obvious homages to my childhood pop up like this but at the same time I can't bear to see these movies hack up what was so dear to me. It's a double-edged sword. I love that they're bringing new life into the old stuff and introducing new audiences to what is already there but they have a tendency to chew the old material into bits and pieces so that it's barely recognizable anymore. It hurts the soul. I can't bear to watch most of the newer movies.

Especially the movies that were made from books. I hated movie the Dark is Rising, the Seeker movie. I absolutely loved the books by Susan Cooper while growing up and when I heard a movie was being made I was so excited til the more I heard about it the less I liked about what I heard and then when I saw the movie, I wanted to cry (I was pregnant at the time, leave me alone) and throw tomatos at the screen. It was absolutely horrible. It was almost nothing like the books. The same for the Queen of the Damned movie from Anne Rice's book. It was absolutely nothing like the book. They were like we got the title and a few names so that's all we need to make the movie. There is a reason those books are so loved by people so when you change the material so much, it's not a surprise that people will hate the movie. The point is--Stick with the original material people!

that thing called online school

Since I technically started this blog cause of a school assignment, I figured I might actually, you know, post about online school. It was bound to come up sooner or later.

For the most part, I like online school. I like it a whole lot better than traditional classrooms and all that. Seminars are a breeze. I don't have to worry about getting up, getting dressed, driving anywhere. I just hop on my computer and it starts. I get my assignments, work on them throughout the week when I'm not super busy, submit them and I'm done. I love how it's basically self-paced, which is how I learn things best. I like the anonymity of it all. I don't have to worry about what others might think of how I look or worry about making small talk if I don't want to. I can really focus on the heart of the matter, which is the getting of the degree.

I'm trying for an associates degree in medical assisting. It's my first major step into the medical field. The ultimate goal is to become a physician's assistant. I figure work a while as a MA, make sure I like the field, pay off some debts, get the family settled and all that, and then when I can, go back to traditional school to become a PA. I think it seems like a pretty reasonable set of goals.

Right now I'm in my 4th term at Kaplan. I've got A so far in each term so I'm hoping to continue that streak in college composition for the health care professional II and anatomy & physiology II. I have to write a paper in each class. All the researching definitely keeps a person busy. Luckily, I've been working ahead when I can so that I don't feel overwhelmed later on. It's a strategy that I've employed since I started online school and it's worked very well for me to do the research for stuff early on and take my time with the rest of everything else. Anyway, I'm writing my A&P II paper on the kidneys. We had to pick an organ system and/or organ and decided to go with Houses's specialty-the kidneys. House is one of my fav shows ever. I figure that's a good enough reason to pick an organ to research. lol. In my other class I finally decided to go with the health effects of energy drinks. My assumption is that one day we're going to find out these things will cause cancer, cause sooner or later, we find out everything causes cancer. I figure I might actually get some scientific proof that these energy drinks aren't good for the body besides just my judgemental opinion.

School is still definitely a lot of work, especially when it's thrown on top of an already busy life, but in the end I'm sure it'll be worth it. Actually, it better be worth it after the debt I'm going accumulate to get that degree. Curse those student loans!

on growing a girl . . .

You want to know something really sad? Today is the first I ever bought lipstick. It's sad because I am 28 years old and I'll be turning 29 this year. I've bought chapstick before and I think I may have bought lip gloss once when I was a teenager but I've just never bought lipstick before. The cool part is that though I've never done this before, I did happen to pick a pretty good shade of color called raspberry freeze.

As you can guess, I'm not exactly a girly type of girl. I don't wear makeup at all. I don't wear dresses at all. I am a jeans and t-shirt type of girl. Growing up, I remember wanting a Voltron toy (points to anyone who remembers Voltron!) and instead I got a tea set. So logically, I used the tea set to dig up the back yard. Those tea cups were great to use as bulldozers. I played with the boys when I was younger cause they had the cool toys like Transformers. I remember being the only girl in the entire elementary school who bravely carried a Transformer lunch box. I've just never cared about being girly before. I've kind of felt that makeup is sort of like false advertising. It's nothing but an illusion really and I don't feel that people should sell themselves like that. That's just my personal opinion. Makeup just isn't for me. Though I do think women look nice wearing it, I myself just look downright odd, I think.

So why the sudden change? I have a daughter. As any parent knows, having a kid is a life changing experience and really forces you to rethink about a lot of the different issues that life tends to throw at you. I don't want the issues that I'm hung up on to influence her. I want her to make her own decisions. Granted, she's only 2 right now but it won't be long before she's demanding that she be allowed to play with either the boys or just the girls. So for her sake, I'm trying new things so that when it's time, I'll be able to introduce her to those different things and let her make her own decision regarding whether she wants to play with Transformers or the Disney Princess stuff.

blog, blog, blog

So I've been thinking and thinking about what to put up on this blog and couldn't really come up with anything interesting besides the usual 'I'm alive and this is what I'm doing this week." I know sooner or later, I will become desperate for a topic, not come up with anything and that I will end up putting such a post up but it seemed too soon to put something like that up as just the 3rd post. After a while I ended up just repeating the word blog in my head and had the sudden thought that 'blog' is such a funny word. It comes from 'web log,' which is simple enough.

When you really think about it, the English language is pretty cool. We can make up words just about anytime we want, get enough people to say it and it becomes a new official word or new catch phrase to say. Like I remember a few years back, when Pluto was no longer named a planet, when something got smaller or demoted or something like that, someone would say it was 'plutoed.' I just got a kick out of the fact that something that was once a noun, suddenly became the new verb . . .I know, I'm such a nerd. I loved English in high school and wanted to go into journalism. Leave me alone. Anyway, back to the word 'blog.' Blogs didn't exist several years back so you have to wonder who's bright idea it was to call a web long a blog. It's a funny sounding word. It reminds of 'argh,' like what Charlie Brown ends up yelling in frustration. On a random note, one of my fav words to say is miscellaneous. I don't know why but I like the way my tongue feels when I say that word.

For anyone reading this, any word out there that strikes you as funny sounding or a word that you've just always liked the sound of?

about that hero thing . . .

In all seriousness, I don't believe in having heroes. If you have one, that's great for you but, for myself personally, it's not for me. Of course, there is a list of people that I have admired throughout my life but I've not ever strived to be like anyone. I've only ever wanted to be myself. I don't believe that people should measure themselves on what others have already done. I believe people should achieve their goals for their own standards and not because someone else thinks something should happen in a specific way. A lot of times, heroes end up being put on pedestals and become this bigger than life image. So not only does the hero have to live up to an impossible image but the person strives to become an impossible image. Let's face it--that's a lot of pressure to live up to on both ends.

On the flip side of things, to take the pressure off people and to give anybody a shot at the spotlight, I'm always naming people as my hero of the moment, day, week, hour, whatever. Don't worry, I don't do it to make fun of the person though I may poke fun at that person. It simply means that person has done something that captured my attention and tickled me pink. My past heroes of the moment have gone from my husband, to Bugs Bunny, to the man dressed as an executioner at the Renaissance Faire. So for my hero of the week for unit 1, it's Robert from my comp. class, because I adored his profile. Stay tuned folks, you never know who I may name as my next hero and it may just be you next. :)

& so things begin . . .

Here it is--the first post on my blog. Not a very original thought, I grant you, but a person must start somewhere and the the beginning is usually a very obvious spot.

Let's get to the heart of the matter, which is the reason this blog exists, and, I will admit, that is because it's a class assignment. I've done a blog or 2 before--nothing special, just random wonderings of my mind for friends and family to be able to keep up with my life. And here we go with another one again. I warn you now--I've been told that sometimes my thoughts tend to dapple into the surreal and random and other times my thoughts are so grounded and you want to stick your head into the ground so that you can survive the boringness.

Anyway, for any of my classmates or random people who stumble onto this blog, I hope you find my random smatterings somewhat entertaining and that I haven't been a bore to you just yet. Please read, feel free to comment, poke fun at me if you feel you must. Be warned, I do poke back. :)