Gluttonous plans

I'm quite afraid that I've bitten off more than I might able to chew. I've been on a planning kick, obviously, and it's been going wonderfully well but I may have taken on a bit too much planning this time.

We decided to throw a Halloween party. Right after that is my Hubby's and mine's wedding anniversary. It's a bit more special than usual as it will be our 15th wedding anniversary. Of course, we then jump right into my daughter's birthday with Veteran's Day, which something must be done, as my hubby is a veteran. On a more low key note, my birthday is right after that. Adding another thing to my list is that I've decided it would be a good break for my mother-in-law for me to cook Thanksgiving dinner, which then leads us into the maddening chase of the Christmas season, which also happens to be the busiest time for my job. Major event after major event is happening with hardly a moment to take a breath in between them. I don't think I was quite right in my state of mind to think taking on all these things was the best idea but I am committed to these plans now and will be moving forward.

I have my planners and will keep using them to make sure I have as tight a reign on my time as much as possible so that I may utilize to the best of my ability but to also have time scheduled to simply relax. I am indeed doing a whole lot but it won't do anyone any good if I'm so stressed and tired that I can't get what need to be done. Planners gonna plan, but maybe next time, not so much.

Christmas can maybe

Well, Thanksgiving has past and now we're entering the last month of the year. To be honest, I'm not really sure how I feel about things right now. My feelings have been up and down lately and I'm finding it hard to be on an even keel. I'm tending toward the negative right now and I don't like it. I'm hoping once we get more into the swing of things that I'll be able to enjoy things more. 2016 has been a really confusing year what with all the political unrest, the loss of so many celebrities that were so much a part of people's childhoods and my own changes in my own personal things. I feel as if I can barely catch my breath before something else comes tumbling right into the thick of it all. That's no different than any other day of my life, is it? So let's kick this off on the right note.  

Stitch needs desserts!

So obviously I have a problem with taking on too much. I have so many people relying on me and I hate to let anyone down by my inability to help them. I have to constantly remind myself that I can't help anyone if I don't help myself also. I have to remember that it's okay to say no sometimes, that I don't need to take on the burdens of the world. It's a constant struggle for me to be okay with everything enough that I feel I can relax because if left to my own devices, I always have too much to do. I have to remind myself that I'm no good to anyone while stressed and snapping at everyone around me. I need to be calm if I want to get things done and overdoing things will not help my stress levels. It's a lesson I will have to keep telling myself and a lesson that I make sure to pass to others around me.

Cleaning the New Year

I'm fairly sure I may have mentioned it before but if I didn't, I'll mention it now that I likely have obsessive compulsive disorder. I say likely as I've never been officially diagnosed with it. I have officially been diagnosed with bipolar and been told that the two conditions often run together. With certain symptoms that inevitably pop up no matter how I try to suppress them, it's highly likely that I do indeed have it. Anyway, the point of the matter with this that I feel chaotic.

I bought a house, which is great but we're in the process of unpacking, which means boxes and stuff and junk all over the place. It's kind of driving me crazy. My house in a mess and trying to find anything is next to impossible. I'm working on it when I can and as often as I can but it's overwhelming at best. I just have to keep cleaning though. It'll get done sooner or later and it'll be worth it.

Clumsy Life

I'm perfectly aware that this post is more than a bit later, which is a shame as for a good long while I hadn't been more than a day or 2 late at the most.

Have you ever had everything going so well for you that you can hardly believe it? You've been trudging forward ever slowly towards that horizon that you can barely see in the far off distant when suddenly it feels like you're starting to walk faster and you can actually see what you're heading towards. You actually start to feel hopeful that you might finally get to where you want to be so badly, when suddenly the ground is pulled out from underneath you. You stumble; you trip and It hurts. The disappointment is like a knife right in your heart and it makes everything around you bitter tasting but you don't have time or the energy to feel it because you have to keep going. Too many people rely on you for you to stop and wallow so you swallow it all down and continue to take the next step and the next step after that.

Yup, that's how I feel right now. 

As I said, I will continue though. I have no choice. Hopefully, I'll have something more interesting to post next time. 

Where's the rum? I drank it.

Ever had a month when it seems like the hits just keep coming and every time you think you might get a breather it's just a horrible tease? In case the question hasn't already made it obvious, I'm having one of those months. This summer is having me being worn and more than a bit weary.

A bad storm blew through the area, which in turn blew a tree onto my hubby's car. Of course, it's damaged beyond repair so we were forced back into car payments with a new-ish car bought just yesterday. That storm had also knocked out power to our area for about 4 days, which was a major inconvenience. Right after the damage his car, I narrowly avoided a situation of hay bales falling out of another vehicle a few cars in front of me and not hitting any of the cars in front of me. On top of all of this, my MIL (mother-in-law) was put into the hospital just a few days ago and had surgery. Luckily, it went well and it shouldn't be long before she's back in her house. Including the stresses of trying to get pre-approval for house loan, I'm heading towards my limit. I already had a nice night of drowning my sorrows with a lovely mix of rum and iced tea.

So not to end this on a completely sour note, here's a great link to a lovely http://www.thedrunkenmoogle.com

Cold cold

It's definitely winter. For the past week the average temperature has been about 15 degrees. There's snow on the ground. On a personal level, I have a cold and with how low the temps have been, that's not changing any time soon. It's a snow day for the district so that's nice. That's all I got. I'll have more next week, when I'm more able to breathe through my nose without using up an entire tissue box.

(I only wish this were my tissue box.)

When is January over?

Heck, when is 2014 over?  20 days into the year and I'm ready for it to be done.

A family member unexpectedly took a turn for the worse and I am in the middle of helping to plan his funeral.  I've been doing what I can to help my loved ones cope.

I am sad, overwhelmed, stress and just tired of being blamed for everything that is going wrong.

It will get better but right now, it's bad.  That's all I have for now.  Next time, there will be more.

It's my blog and I'll cry if I want to

If there is anyone who actually reads this, feel free to ignore my post.  I'm going to take advantage of the fact that this is my blog and gripe about my own life.

I'm not perfect.  I have never claimed to be anything near perfect and I do not even try to be perfect.  I do however try my best in everything I do and try to always do the right thing.  In my life, that gets thrown into my face, that I try to be perfect and that I throw my perfectionism into people's faces.  

Example, as of today:  I fell into a really bad cold last week and I'm actually still dealing with the congestion with bouts of a dry throat that lead into coughing fits.  It knocked me out last week so I still get easily tired but I do my best to trudge on.  Life doesn't stop just because I fall il.  I have always had problems falling asleep so it's always been difficult for me to wake up on time in the mornings.  With the lingering side effects of being sick mornings are even rougher.  My husband has always been an early riser though so he usually takes it upon himself to get up and makes sure our 6 year old gets to the bus stop on time.  He usually encourages me to sleep in when I can because he knows there are nights that even though I lay there 8 hours I am still unable to fall asleep.  Today he got up with her.  No problem until she comes home from school wearing just a short sleeve shirt when it is no more than 40 degrees outside.  I get so angry about this for several reasons.  She should have known to keep that sweater on.  I know she had gym and I have no problems with her taking her sweater off during gym class but I harp on her all the time about staying warm so she doesn't get sick so she should have known to keep that sweater on afterwards.  Hubby should have known that his daughter is just like him and she will take her sweater off at the drop of a hat.  It's something he gripes at her right along with me, even if he doesn't always do so himself too.  He defends that she should have known better but I throw at him the fact that he is an adult, he knows the situation and should have made a better judgement call and just gone with a long sleeve shirt on the child to avoid her coming home with sniffles and coughs.  Instead of accepting his partial responsibility, he throws at me that if I want to avoid the situation then I should just wake up on time myself and make sure the child is dressed to my specifications.  

My feelings on this are anger, disbelief and acceptance that people's emotions are important to them than their logic.  I am angry at the fact that this situation repeats itself on a daily cycle.  I love taking care of my child but for her to fall into sickness as soon as I get her feeling better is just demoralizing.  There is disbelief at the situation happening again.  I don't want to see the cycle repeating itself and yet, here we go again.  The acceptance is the fact that even though people, even my hubby, say that even though I can't do everything myself, when I try to allow others to step in and when things go wrong, fingers are pointed right back at me and they demand why I haven't already fixed things.  It hurts when this situation happens all too often and it just reaffirms the fact that I can't rely on anyone but myself to get things done but that is my lot in life. I can do nothing else but accept it.  

It doesn't change.  If things are going to get done I must do it myself as there is no guarantee anyone will do it but whether it's my responsibility or not, the blame will fall on me.  No point in crying about it but I'm allowed to complain every so often.  

fooey the flu!

Honestly, I have no idea if I spelled that first correctly and I doubt that it's in the dictionary for me to even look up so you'll just have to figure out that one on your own.  hee hee.

Anyway, back to the point, I am still getting over the flu and as you can tell I hate being sick.  It's entirely too inconvenient to be sick--taking medicines, carrying around tissues and all that other business about sick just drives me crazy when I've got things to do and not enough time to waste.  I can deal with a regular cold though.  The flu is an entirely other monster, as I was out for the count for 3 days.  I was just lucky that it hit after Christmas and before or during.  It was entirely unacceptable situation as I couldn't focus on anything.  It felt like my brain was oozing out of my nose and my lungs were being coughed out.  What makes the situation even more unbearable for me was that it took over a week for me to get back into shape.  Feeling better was great but having no energy to do what I knew needed to be done was just horrible for me.  

Also, yes, I just spent this post complaining but to be fair, I'm not often sick so I figure it's not so bad if I want to complain about being sick.  I promise a more interesting post next time.