Out of 2017 and into the New Year

I was doing so good for a long while about keeping this updated within a day or two at most and this last month was just a fail on more levels than not posting to this blog. The end of year stress got to me.

I caught a stomach bug and I have seriously never been that sick in my entire life in just one night. I had to call out of work the next day, which almost turned into a really bad situation. It took a week to recover and then right on Christmas Day, I was sick again with a very bad cold, which took another week to recover. Having to work in a warehouse, in which the temperature inside is barely tolerable compared to the temperature outside does not help speed up recovery. Any progress on anything was completely halted as I barely had enough energy to enjoy the holiday.

It's 2018 now though so it's a good time to start anew. This month of January will be used as a catch up and recovery and refresh month. I need to get caught up with last month's stuff before I can move onto the current month stuff. I also need to take my time doing so to make sure my body is completely recovered so that it doesn't relapse twice again. The last step is just getting ready for this year and making sure plans are in place to continue to make progress on things around me and on myself.

So, here's to a new year and new beginnings and all that. 

Clumsy Life

I'm perfectly aware that this post is more than a bit later, which is a shame as for a good long while I hadn't been more than a day or 2 late at the most.

Have you ever had everything going so well for you that you can hardly believe it? You've been trudging forward ever slowly towards that horizon that you can barely see in the far off distant when suddenly it feels like you're starting to walk faster and you can actually see what you're heading towards. You actually start to feel hopeful that you might finally get to where you want to be so badly, when suddenly the ground is pulled out from underneath you. You stumble; you trip and It hurts. The disappointment is like a knife right in your heart and it makes everything around you bitter tasting but you don't have time or the energy to feel it because you have to keep going. Too many people rely on you for you to stop and wallow so you swallow it all down and continue to take the next step and the next step after that.

Yup, that's how I feel right now. 

As I said, I will continue though. I have no choice. Hopefully, I'll have something more interesting to post next time. 

Inside Out Reflections

I recently went to see the latest and greatest Pixar movie, Inside Out.  It was a great movie with a lot of great themes that I hope my daughter will really take to heart as she grows older. They are lessons that I try my best to behold. In fact, it's been pointed out that I am Joy, the person who tries her best to make the best of the situation and make everyone happy.

It's a very hard thing to keep doing all the time and sometimes I fail. A huge storm blew through the area. The wicked witch may have blown past on a tornado. It most definitely knocked down a tree into my parent's driveway smashing my husband's car and taking the power out for 3 days. I found it very difficult to stay Joy. I wish more than anything I had a magic wand that I could use to fix everything but I don't and I can't, especially when it seems like everything is doing their best to rain on my parade.

I keep trying my best to keep doing my best. I will stumble and I will fall and I might even fail but I will keep trying my best to make everyone happy.

lengths of success

First of all, for those of you who don't deem me to be a success in life . . .screw you and your ability to lay judgement on me and on others.

For those of you who are unaware of this fact, success is a relative term.  In other words, the measure of success is defined differently for each person.  the sort of success that most people aspire toward is monetary value and occupational goals, but for those who might not deem them important enough, there are those who deem success in family or spiritual terms.  It's exactly like asking someone what makes that person happy.  for each person you ask, you will get a different answer.  After all, in the most basic sense, success equals happiness or another way of saying things is that to be successful means to be happy.

And that's how I see things.  You can have all the money in the world but if you hate your job, are you really successful?  You can achieve every occupational goal possible, but if it's at the sacrifice of your family and home life, are you really successful?

My definition of success is a mixture of happiness in everything that encompasses my life.  Occupation?  to be honest, it's not a top priority.  I'm a homemaker.  It's not exactly what I pictured doing with my life but that's fine with me.  In my spare time, I'm a writer and that does make me happy.  Monetary measurement?  Again, something that is nice but not a top priority.  I just want enough money to live on with enough to buy a few toys every so often and a little bit extra to be able to help those around me.  family?  Yeah, I have to say that personally, I'm kicking butt in that field.  I got a husband of almost 10 years who loves me and I love him and we like each other enough to talk to each other and spend time with each other, plus, we got a daughter, who is pretty well behaved, smart, kind, loving, healthy and beautiful, who we love and she loves us, also who loves spending time with us and who we love spending time with.  Plus we got parents, grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, siblings and friends who we're happy to say are part of our family.  spiritually?  again, that field is totally owned.  I'm a big believer in karma.  There is a god out there, by whatever name you want to give, and that god is ready to give good to those who deserve good and give bad to those who deserve bad.  I do my best to do right for myself and for those around me and I do my best to not harm.  I am who I am and make no apologies or excuses for who I am, nor do I hide who I am.  I fought tooth and nail to be the person that I am today and I don't regret a single decision that I made that helped create who I am today.  How many people can say that as the truth?

And about me?  Don't think I'm done measuring my own success.  I'm always working towards my goals.  I'm not done writing.  I may or may not get them published but as long as I start any story I write, each one can be considered a success.  Money comes and goes and sometimes I'll need it at different points in my life but as long as I can feed myself and my family I have to say that it's all good.  Success in family is something that never stops but my hope is to make it even better.  Failure is when you can't add anyone to that list of those who love you.  And on that last note, personally, my thought is that if you can't achieve success without sacrificing yourself or your identity of self, well, you failed, period, and that right there is the most difficult thing about success or idea of success.

So yeah, I consider myself successful and I'm not done being successful.  So what if I'm smart and you don't think that I'm doing my best best to fulfill the potential that my intelligence perceives to give me like being a doctor or a rocket scientist and while those ideas to become those things are kind of cool who says I'd be happy doing them in the 1st place?  My definition of success doesn't come without love and I got love in excess spades.  I won't be held down by another person's definition of success.