Senseless

It's happened again.  A person decided to shoot up a public place but this time it was at an elementary school.  Again, too many lives were lost, too soon.  My thoughts and prayers go out to those families.  It makes me sad; it makes me angry.  I can only imagine what those people are going through.  I wish them the ability to heal but to never forget the ones they love.

Of course, everything on the news is who did this, why did he do it, what about gun control and so on.  I can understand these questions, but I can't help but think the more pressing matter is how can we prevent this.  This sort of thing happens all too often.  I can’t even count how many times this has happened in the past year or so, but I know it would at least use up all the fingers on one hand & that fact alone is more than enough tragedy. 

I could go on more about tragic events but it’s not necessary.  I’m done talking; I’m going to do.  I donate what I can to the Red Cross, as I usually do.  On a more personal level, when I see someone who needs help, I’m going to help.  When I see someone who’s having a bad day, I’m going to offer a word of support.  Sometimes, just an offer of kindness makes all the difference.  

seriously, who needs a bucket?

It's a poignant question, is it not?  Well, it is if you realize that I'm talking about the proverbial bucket list--you know, the list that people create of things they want to do, places they want to go to & people they want to meet.

I find it ironic that some people need to know that their lives are ending before they can finally allow themselves to really live, but then again at that point what do you have to lose?  I suppose that's the kicker though.  Fear controls us all.  Most people fear death more than anything and I can understand that.  Not knowing what's ahead of you and leaving the ones you live behind are scary things to face. 

I'm an odd duck though.  I don't fear death and no, that does mean I seek it or welcome it whenever it will come for me.  I'll fight tooth and nail to stay alive but it's not cause I'm afraid of dying but cause I got too much to live for.  The clincher for me is that I'm more afraid of not living.  

We're given only so much time in this mortal realm with opportunities to try so many different things.  How can a person keep doing the same things over and over again and not want to experience the world around them?  Yeah, I get there are things out there that we don't want to deal with but if you don't try it, how can you know for sure you won't like it?  It may indeed hurt, make you sad and force you through a whole host of negativity but what if the good outweighs the bad, how will you learn to overcome if you don't give it a shot?  Honestly, I never feel more alive than I do when I'm seeing, feeling, hearing, tasting or touching something I've never had the opportunity to experience before.  

So, I want to live.  I'm tired of waiting for people who say they want to do things but never actually get off their bums to do it.  Seriously, they waiting for written invitations or something?  Cause when death comes knocking on your door, I very much doubt you sent pretty stationery out for that sort of party.  So screw them.  Some things I'll may ask for others to join me but for the most part, I'm absolutely willing to go solo if I need to.  

Talk all you want, people.  I'm going to do.  Honestly, now that I'm thinking about it, I know too many people who just talk & only talk on how they want to do 'this', or go 'there', but 'this' makes it so I can't go. I think of something, I plan it out and then I do.  Cause what's the point of talking about doing something if you're not going to do it?  I'm no longer waiting around to hear your excuses.  

The hard part is that I want to do so much.  I need a plan, so I'm grabbing a notebook and I'm going to keep track of the typical experiences that people are supposed to have and also have a list of things that are reachable at a good time period but also have a list of things that aren't as typical that I can strive for.  The goal is to try to do at least 2 things off any of the lists every month, whether it be big or small.  It can be something as simple as try a food that I've never eaten before, to taking a trip to a store in the area that I've just never been to, to learning to speak Irish, to even planning how I'm finally going to Laos or Egypt.  

And no, I'm not dying.  I'm alive and healthy.  I don't need to get to that point to start living.  My bucket isn't going to be kicked for a long time but I'm going to fill it up so that when I get to that point that I'm close to dying, I want to able to say, "Yeah, I did that and came out of it with an awesome story about it."  Then I'll kick it over so that it spills over all around you and you can see that I lived.  I want to live now and I will, so I don't need that bucket.  But anyone who wants to borrow, you're welcome to it.

So I'm going to think of my list.  It may take me a while to come up with everything I want to do and I know that it'll never be completely finished but as long as I keep working on it, well, that's life.  Heh heh.  

crafty I am!

Usually I try to post on Tuesday at least every 2 weeks.  Obviously, I failed at that as it's Sat.  In my defense, it is the holiday season.  I'm in the process of finishing up holiday shopping, or in several cases, crafting holiday gifts.  I usually try to keep a similar theme for groups of people that my family is passing out gifts to and for family members they will be receiving homemade gifts from the child, helped by me.  Here's hoping they like it!  I figure you can't go wrong with something made by hand & out of love and all that. . .well, if it is wrong, the person will feel too guilty to say anything.  hee hee.  Yeah, I'm evil like that.

Not only are we doing handmade gifts for Christmas, but I've been crocheting scarves, will hopefully make a few afghans, finish up a cross stitch or 2, plus I got plans to make a few costumes for next year's Halloween.  Yeah, it's early but as I'm sewing together 3 different costumes, I'll need all the time I can get.  But I'm not spilling any secrets about that quite yet.  hee hee.  

In the mean time, I thought I'd share some links to some awesome crafting sites.  

http://www.favecrafts.com/

http://www.allfreecrochet.com/#

Enjoy!

selfish, in a way

I'm being selfish.  I got early birthday money and kept $20 of it out of the family spending pocket.  My aunty also gave me $35, which I again kept $20 for my self.  My husband because he loves me got tips today and gave $20 to me.  The total so far is just $60.  I've also been telling people that if they do want to get me anything for my birthday or the upcoming Christmas holiday, cash would be the most appreciated.

You may be wondering why in the marketing world am I actually keeping money to myself and not using it for the better of my family as I normally do.  I have finally started my archery/sanity fund.  It is money that I am hoping to use to buy a nice archery set so that when I'm stressed I can find some place away from people and just shoot arrows.

Rustic Medieval Recurve

I can only pray that I don't need the money for another reason, which with the way things are going, I am guess it will be the more likely choice.  I do feel selfish keeping this money for myself though when there are more helpful ways in which this money could be used for my family but I want to feel selfish.  I want something for just me.  It's been so long since I've done something like that.  I also feel that maybe getting something that will relieve stress and put my mental and emotional state in a better place, it will make me a better person in general, which is also a good thing for my family and anyone in general.  Well, that's what I keep telling myself anyway.

Here's hoping.  Cheers!

on the flip side

And the big news of the day is that . . .Sandy was a doozy, possibly the biggest hurricane to ever hit the US, over a dozen deaths, millions of people without power, likely billions of dollars of damage done.

3d U.S. Infantry Regiment (The Old Guard)

Spc. Brett Hyde, Tomb Sentinel, 3d U.S. Infantry Regiment (The Old Guard), keeps guard over the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier during Hurricane Sandy at Arlington National Cemetery, Va., Oct. 29, 2012. Hyde lives by the Sentinel's Creed which in part says “Through the years of diligence and praise and the discomfort of the elements, I will walk my tour in humble reverence to the best of my ability”. (U.S. Army Photo by Sgt. Jose A. Torres Jr.) 


On a selfish note, I'm just happy I have power to be able to post this, not that anyone cares but I post this for my own benefit.  If anyone stumbles onto my little blog, they're welcome to peek into the recesses of my mind though I have no guarantee they will find it amusing or interesting but hey, I find it both ways & that's all that matters.  hee hee

Anyway, I am sorry for the people who lost their lives in this monster storm.  I am happy for the people who were out there helping others.  I am hopeful that the people who lost their things to the floods and whatnot will be able to get their lives back soon.  I hope all out there stay safe & remember to prepare. God speed!

Shoot me now!

So I had a trying week last week.  Not only was my own list of things to do quite extensive with more than the usual things that need to do, there was also on top of all that, things from the left universe came at me so that I had to drop my own stuff.  I could have handled that, as I’ve come to expect situations like that.  What got to me was the utter disrespect that I received for the sacrifices I made on behalf of my family. 

I gave a warning that there is a slight chance I may be a little late to a certain event.  The person took it as I was going to leave them.  I replied that I was not going to do any sort of things, that a previous engagement that I had made weeks before was scheduled right before and that if things ran late a little late it may take me longer to get to the second event.  I was asked to drop it.  I was appalled and told her that I could not do that.  What blew my top was that she took it as me abandoning them for the other person.  I firmly and with a bit of anger in my voice told her that I was not at all leaving them and repeated that I may be a few minutes late.  At that point, I simply walked away as I did not want to let the argument spiral downward.  I went back to my dinner of crappy leftovers and fumed at how I could have been with my family as they ate a decent dinner with the other set of grandparents and I was stuck attending to these people’s needs while they kept demanding more.  As you can image, I was quite fed up.  Though that was the worst of it, the rest of the week continued so that rest was a commodity not to be taken lightly until Friday I was done and stated it to the world that the weekend would be spent only play video games, watching movies and eating ice cream or chocolate. 

Of course, that didn't happen.  In fact, that Sat. I checked off 7 things off my list to do list.  It wasn't til that night that I realized that I’m addicted to being productive.  Those moments that people take to sit down and take a breather, I usually use to actually plan out the next step to my attack plan on my to-do list.  Sad, I know, but it makes me happy to get things done.  

I don't know how to relax.  Even during my supposed down time I'm getting things off my own personal list of things to do--watching that movie that I wanted to see, listening to music as I let my mind try to work through the current writer's block.  Actually, doing something for the simple sake of enjoyment is something that I no longer know how to do though there is one thing that falls under this category and that is archery.  It's the only activity that I have done, in which the entire world falls away and my mind is singularly focused on how far I can pull the bow back and release the arrow so that it hits the target.  

For the sake of the world and my own sanity, I do hope I can buy a bow and arrow soon.  

productive

It seems like every single time I even remember that I have a blog floating somewhere in the infinite information space of the Internet, I make up my mind to start posting on it again and then promptly forget all about it.  Honestly, I'm disappointed in myself every single time this happens so you would think I would make more of an effort to post something, even if it would just be a sentence or 2, but real life tends to push all such personal endeavors into the black hole of being busy.

So, here we are again, but this time I have an ace in my sleeve--I thank my husband many times over for the insight to convince me to buy an Ipad.  I hate the extravagant cost of the thing but for me, it has become infinitely worth it.  I use it everyday and all day from the calendar to keep up my scheduling, the reminders with its many beeps to help me remember to do all that I need to do when it is due, to the note taking abilities for all of the information that I need to take down and keep at the tip of my hand.  I have even come across uses for it that I would have never expected such as the free eBooks of the classics, to using it to keep track of people by checking in on Facebook, even keeping track of my calories for the day, translating different languages, checking up on the real estate market and references for science and literature facts.  It has most definitely become my second brain and thanks to this miracle electronic I get more things done in a day faster than a beaver can fell a tree.  In fact, I have even put in a biweekly reminder that I need to update my blog, so expect those updates.  

To sum it up, I'm baaaaaaack!!  hee hee.  

lengths of success

First of all, for those of you who don't deem me to be a success in life . . .screw you and your ability to lay judgement on me and on others.

For those of you who are unaware of this fact, success is a relative term.  In other words, the measure of success is defined differently for each person.  the sort of success that most people aspire toward is monetary value and occupational goals, but for those who might not deem them important enough, there are those who deem success in family or spiritual terms.  It's exactly like asking someone what makes that person happy.  for each person you ask, you will get a different answer.  After all, in the most basic sense, success equals happiness or another way of saying things is that to be successful means to be happy.

And that's how I see things.  You can have all the money in the world but if you hate your job, are you really successful?  You can achieve every occupational goal possible, but if it's at the sacrifice of your family and home life, are you really successful?

My definition of success is a mixture of happiness in everything that encompasses my life.  Occupation?  to be honest, it's not a top priority.  I'm a homemaker.  It's not exactly what I pictured doing with my life but that's fine with me.  In my spare time, I'm a writer and that does make me happy.  Monetary measurement?  Again, something that is nice but not a top priority.  I just want enough money to live on with enough to buy a few toys every so often and a little bit extra to be able to help those around me.  family?  Yeah, I have to say that personally, I'm kicking butt in that field.  I got a husband of almost 10 years who loves me and I love him and we like each other enough to talk to each other and spend time with each other, plus, we got a daughter, who is pretty well behaved, smart, kind, loving, healthy and beautiful, who we love and she loves us, also who loves spending time with us and who we love spending time with.  Plus we got parents, grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, siblings and friends who we're happy to say are part of our family.  spiritually?  again, that field is totally owned.  I'm a big believer in karma.  There is a god out there, by whatever name you want to give, and that god is ready to give good to those who deserve good and give bad to those who deserve bad.  I do my best to do right for myself and for those around me and I do my best to not harm.  I am who I am and make no apologies or excuses for who I am, nor do I hide who I am.  I fought tooth and nail to be the person that I am today and I don't regret a single decision that I made that helped create who I am today.  How many people can say that as the truth?

And about me?  Don't think I'm done measuring my own success.  I'm always working towards my goals.  I'm not done writing.  I may or may not get them published but as long as I start any story I write, each one can be considered a success.  Money comes and goes and sometimes I'll need it at different points in my life but as long as I can feed myself and my family I have to say that it's all good.  Success in family is something that never stops but my hope is to make it even better.  Failure is when you can't add anyone to that list of those who love you.  And on that last note, personally, my thought is that if you can't achieve success without sacrificing yourself or your identity of self, well, you failed, period, and that right there is the most difficult thing about success or idea of success.

So yeah, I consider myself successful and I'm not done being successful.  So what if I'm smart and you don't think that I'm doing my best best to fulfill the potential that my intelligence perceives to give me like being a doctor or a rocket scientist and while those ideas to become those things are kind of cool who says I'd be happy doing them in the 1st place?  My definition of success doesn't come without love and I got love in excess spades.  I won't be held down by another person's definition of success.