Dream within a dream

Cause that's how I feel. I recently just finished writing my second novel.

That's right second. I did indeed write a first novel, which if I could have my own way, it would never see the light of a printer. It was a story that I needed to get out of my system--part personal fantasy, part semi-auto graphical, part confession. It was therapeutic to get out of my system, even if it took forever to get out, almost 10 years. Once it was done though, it was like lifting a burden off my chest and I was able to move on.

My recently finished second novel took just under 2 years to write. It could most likely be considered a young adult fantasy novel. I adore the story, the characters and the plot. At this point, it needs major editing. I plan on taking a break for a week or more or less to try and catch up on other projects such as finish up a crochet project or 2, play a video game or 3 or even just catch up with some DVD that need to be watched. I doubt I'll actually wait too long before I jump back into the project but maybe a different path on the creative mind scape will appear so I certainly never know what my brain will throw at me. Once the major editing is done, I'll actually allow, maybe even encourage, others to read my work. Hopefully, they can give me some honest critique that will help improve my story in anyway possible. The last step is to actually send out queries to book agents and publishers. I have no idea if my story is good enough but I want to try.

So my dream of writing is just one step in a bigger dream of being published. As they say, go big or go home.

Photo evident

After about 2 years of searching and finding everything else under the roof, the photo album that I had last been working on has finally been found deep in the mines of the storage unit. I spent most of the weekend looking through all the pics that I have taken over the last 4 years, printing them out and arranging them in a semi-chronological order. After finishing that photo album, filling out another 2 albums that had been given to me a long while ago, I still had to go out and buy another album to catch up to the current year. I estimate I spent over $125 on ink, maybe more, and printed about 500 pics. That's a lot and a lot of work. It was totally worth it.

I adore photography. I'm an amateur at best but I really enjoy taking a snapshot of that moment in life so that you always have a visual reminder as it will never be as clear in the muddled human mind.

Vain like me?

It was Valentine's Day so to spend the day with my hubby, I had put my hair into braids while it was still wet the night before so it was all crimpy the next morning and put on some make up that morning. Also, I had recently gotten a new pair of glasses and it was 1 of those few and far away moments when I wasn't feeling completely blah about the way I looked. I thought to myself, 'Why the heck not?' I posted a pic of myself on FB. It's honestly one of the best pics ever taken of me. In fact, the hubby commented that it almost doesn't look like me. I got a lot of compliments. Honestly, I feel weird about getting so many compliments as it's just not something I'm used to.

That's not to say I don't get compliments at all. I have never based my self worth on my appearance. I make sure I am presentable with clothes that are comfortable but not too shabby and not at all revealing. I rarely wear make up. I actually didn't start wearing make up at all until my mid 20s. When I get compliments, it's usually over my intelligence or attitude or creativity and I prefer to be complimented on those things. I base my worth as a person on my skills, abilities and my willingness to work on and for things. I don't see myself as being vain or acting vain and do my best to not come across as vain, so it bothers me when someone even hints that I am.

1 of the comments I got after posting my pic was something along the lines of 'look at you all about pics.' I was like, 'wow, really?' I couldn't figure out why anyone would say I was 'all about pics' in relation to posting a singular pic of myself after I made myself pretty to spend Valentine's Day with my husband. Photography is a hobby of mine and I take tons of pics of people, places and things around me but it is rare that I am in front of the camera. The last pic that was taken of me was about 6 months ago and it was a pic of me shooting a bow for the first time and as it was such a momentous thing to me, I wanted a memento. The funny part is that I never asked anyone to take a pic of me shooting a bow for the first time, a person was simply kind enough to volunteer after hearing me say to myself it would be nice if I did get a pic. Anyway, I just felt it really out of place to have said I was 'all about pics' over 1 pic of myself in 6 months.

So the question is put out, am I vain? Are you vain? Who's vain like me?

Shoot for the moon; if you miss you'll still land amongst the stars

A bit of a corny title but something I believe holds a ring of truth and seemed quite fitting for the topic. I got my archery set. All thanks to my hubby who just a few days before Christmas handed me a wad of cash and told me that with the cash I had saved up so far and the cash I would receive for Christmas, I should have more than enough for the items I want and so still recovering from flu symptoms, we traveled out to Lancaster Archery Supply Store, where I proceeded to pick out my bow of choice, arrows and other such supplies. I chose a lovely single piece Sammick Volcano recurve with a 30 lb. pull back. I also grabbed an inexpensive quiver and just 6 arrows.  I got to test it in the store and it was perfect.



With my lingering symptoms and with it being January but thanks to the wackiness of the weather's temperature, it was less than a week before I could take my bow and really shoot with it. It was cold, slightly windy and drizzling rain but it was still an awesome experience to target practice with my very own bow. I'm not all that good but I can hit the target with semi-accurate intent and I need to build up arm strength but I found the thing that makes the weight of the world fall from shoulders. When I hold up my bow and drawback my arrow, there are no other stresses or worries in that single moment as I focus on getting the arrow to hit the target.  It's an amazing feeling to see that arrow stuck right into the target and I can't wait til it really warms up and I can shoot some more.

fooey the flu!

Honestly, I have no idea if I spelled that first correctly and I doubt that it's in the dictionary for me to even look up so you'll just have to figure out that one on your own.  hee hee.

Anyway, back to the point, I am still getting over the flu and as you can tell I hate being sick.  It's entirely too inconvenient to be sick--taking medicines, carrying around tissues and all that other business about sick just drives me crazy when I've got things to do and not enough time to waste.  I can deal with a regular cold though.  The flu is an entirely other monster, as I was out for the count for 3 days.  I was just lucky that it hit after Christmas and before or during.  It was entirely unacceptable situation as I couldn't focus on anything.  It felt like my brain was oozing out of my nose and my lungs were being coughed out.  What makes the situation even more unbearable for me was that it took over a week for me to get back into shape.  Feeling better was great but having no energy to do what I knew needed to be done was just horrible for me.  

Also, yes, I just spent this post complaining but to be fair, I'm not often sick so I figure it's not so bad if I want to complain about being sick.  I promise a more interesting post next time.  

Senseless

It's happened again.  A person decided to shoot up a public place but this time it was at an elementary school.  Again, too many lives were lost, too soon.  My thoughts and prayers go out to those families.  It makes me sad; it makes me angry.  I can only imagine what those people are going through.  I wish them the ability to heal but to never forget the ones they love.

Of course, everything on the news is who did this, why did he do it, what about gun control and so on.  I can understand these questions, but I can't help but think the more pressing matter is how can we prevent this.  This sort of thing happens all too often.  I can’t even count how many times this has happened in the past year or so, but I know it would at least use up all the fingers on one hand & that fact alone is more than enough tragedy. 

I could go on more about tragic events but it’s not necessary.  I’m done talking; I’m going to do.  I donate what I can to the Red Cross, as I usually do.  On a more personal level, when I see someone who needs help, I’m going to help.  When I see someone who’s having a bad day, I’m going to offer a word of support.  Sometimes, just an offer of kindness makes all the difference.  

seriously, who needs a bucket?

It's a poignant question, is it not?  Well, it is if you realize that I'm talking about the proverbial bucket list--you know, the list that people create of things they want to do, places they want to go to & people they want to meet.

I find it ironic that some people need to know that their lives are ending before they can finally allow themselves to really live, but then again at that point what do you have to lose?  I suppose that's the kicker though.  Fear controls us all.  Most people fear death more than anything and I can understand that.  Not knowing what's ahead of you and leaving the ones you live behind are scary things to face. 

I'm an odd duck though.  I don't fear death and no, that does mean I seek it or welcome it whenever it will come for me.  I'll fight tooth and nail to stay alive but it's not cause I'm afraid of dying but cause I got too much to live for.  The clincher for me is that I'm more afraid of not living.  

We're given only so much time in this mortal realm with opportunities to try so many different things.  How can a person keep doing the same things over and over again and not want to experience the world around them?  Yeah, I get there are things out there that we don't want to deal with but if you don't try it, how can you know for sure you won't like it?  It may indeed hurt, make you sad and force you through a whole host of negativity but what if the good outweighs the bad, how will you learn to overcome if you don't give it a shot?  Honestly, I never feel more alive than I do when I'm seeing, feeling, hearing, tasting or touching something I've never had the opportunity to experience before.  

So, I want to live.  I'm tired of waiting for people who say they want to do things but never actually get off their bums to do it.  Seriously, they waiting for written invitations or something?  Cause when death comes knocking on your door, I very much doubt you sent pretty stationery out for that sort of party.  So screw them.  Some things I'll may ask for others to join me but for the most part, I'm absolutely willing to go solo if I need to.  

Talk all you want, people.  I'm going to do.  Honestly, now that I'm thinking about it, I know too many people who just talk & only talk on how they want to do 'this', or go 'there', but 'this' makes it so I can't go. I think of something, I plan it out and then I do.  Cause what's the point of talking about doing something if you're not going to do it?  I'm no longer waiting around to hear your excuses.  

The hard part is that I want to do so much.  I need a plan, so I'm grabbing a notebook and I'm going to keep track of the typical experiences that people are supposed to have and also have a list of things that are reachable at a good time period but also have a list of things that aren't as typical that I can strive for.  The goal is to try to do at least 2 things off any of the lists every month, whether it be big or small.  It can be something as simple as try a food that I've never eaten before, to taking a trip to a store in the area that I've just never been to, to learning to speak Irish, to even planning how I'm finally going to Laos or Egypt.  

And no, I'm not dying.  I'm alive and healthy.  I don't need to get to that point to start living.  My bucket isn't going to be kicked for a long time but I'm going to fill it up so that when I get to that point that I'm close to dying, I want to able to say, "Yeah, I did that and came out of it with an awesome story about it."  Then I'll kick it over so that it spills over all around you and you can see that I lived.  I want to live now and I will, so I don't need that bucket.  But anyone who wants to borrow, you're welcome to it.

So I'm going to think of my list.  It may take me a while to come up with everything I want to do and I know that it'll never be completely finished but as long as I keep working on it, well, that's life.  Heh heh.