lengths of success

First of all, for those of you who don't deem me to be a success in life . . .screw you and your ability to lay judgement on me and on others.

For those of you who are unaware of this fact, success is a relative term.  In other words, the measure of success is defined differently for each person.  the sort of success that most people aspire toward is monetary value and occupational goals, but for those who might not deem them important enough, there are those who deem success in family or spiritual terms.  It's exactly like asking someone what makes that person happy.  for each person you ask, you will get a different answer.  After all, in the most basic sense, success equals happiness or another way of saying things is that to be successful means to be happy.

And that's how I see things.  You can have all the money in the world but if you hate your job, are you really successful?  You can achieve every occupational goal possible, but if it's at the sacrifice of your family and home life, are you really successful?

My definition of success is a mixture of happiness in everything that encompasses my life.  Occupation?  to be honest, it's not a top priority.  I'm a homemaker.  It's not exactly what I pictured doing with my life but that's fine with me.  In my spare time, I'm a writer and that does make me happy.  Monetary measurement?  Again, something that is nice but not a top priority.  I just want enough money to live on with enough to buy a few toys every so often and a little bit extra to be able to help those around me.  family?  Yeah, I have to say that personally, I'm kicking butt in that field.  I got a husband of almost 10 years who loves me and I love him and we like each other enough to talk to each other and spend time with each other, plus, we got a daughter, who is pretty well behaved, smart, kind, loving, healthy and beautiful, who we love and she loves us, also who loves spending time with us and who we love spending time with.  Plus we got parents, grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, siblings and friends who we're happy to say are part of our family.  spiritually?  again, that field is totally owned.  I'm a big believer in karma.  There is a god out there, by whatever name you want to give, and that god is ready to give good to those who deserve good and give bad to those who deserve bad.  I do my best to do right for myself and for those around me and I do my best to not harm.  I am who I am and make no apologies or excuses for who I am, nor do I hide who I am.  I fought tooth and nail to be the person that I am today and I don't regret a single decision that I made that helped create who I am today.  How many people can say that as the truth?

And about me?  Don't think I'm done measuring my own success.  I'm always working towards my goals.  I'm not done writing.  I may or may not get them published but as long as I start any story I write, each one can be considered a success.  Money comes and goes and sometimes I'll need it at different points in my life but as long as I can feed myself and my family I have to say that it's all good.  Success in family is something that never stops but my hope is to make it even better.  Failure is when you can't add anyone to that list of those who love you.  And on that last note, personally, my thought is that if you can't achieve success without sacrificing yourself or your identity of self, well, you failed, period, and that right there is the most difficult thing about success or idea of success.

So yeah, I consider myself successful and I'm not done being successful.  So what if I'm smart and you don't think that I'm doing my best best to fulfill the potential that my intelligence perceives to give me like being a doctor or a rocket scientist and while those ideas to become those things are kind of cool who says I'd be happy doing them in the 1st place?  My definition of success doesn't come without love and I got love in excess spades.  I won't be held down by another person's definition of success.

A story about a girl

I finished my vampire story.  I actually finished it just a few days before Christmas.  Well, it’s not so much a vampire story as it is a semi-autobiographical story, a snapshot of myself when I was 16 years old.  It hits around 70,000 words.  I think I deleted about 20 pages cause some of it was just too private, even if I don’t ever get it published. 

That’s the kicker.  I don’t know if I want to publish it.  I don’t know if it’s even publishable.  It’s almost too private to share.  I don’t know if anyone else can relate to it.  I’m so attached to it, that I can’t even tell if it’s good or not.  It’s kind of scary, honestly.  I feel like I’d be selling a piece of my soul. 

I’ve decided to let a few people read it-my husband, my creative partner, and my sister.  I’ll let them decide what I should do with it. 

It’s nice finally completing a novella.  It’s a bit of a relief knowing that I can finish such a big writing project.  It’s kind of odd being done though.  You put all of your effort into doing something and then it’s done and afterwards, you’re not sure what to do with your time.  Lucky for me, the feeling isn’t that bad.  I’m already writing another story.  I’m already up to over 10,000 words and this story, I’m pretty sure is quite publishable, but I doubt I’m really a good judge of that. 

Twinkle, twinkle, little vampire, how I wish you weren’t here at all

I finally caved in and I read it.  I read the Twilight series books.  It was about what I expected. 

IT WAS COMPLETE AND UTTER DRIVEL!  The characters had no depth.  The plot was completely predictable. 

The reason I read them was to try to understand them.  This twilight stuff is all over books and the movies are hugely selling and I just couldn’t understand what seemed so interesting about them.  Finally, I had to find out. 

I wish I hadn’t bothered.  There was nothing redeeming about the books whatsoever!  The characters are no role models.  They have no depth to them.  The girl, the main character, is shallow, insecure, downright dumb, pathetic really.  The vampires are quite downright weak.  Honestly, they sparkle in sunlight?!  They have venom?!  The plot was boring.  There was nothing interesting at all.  It was mind-numbing.  I have to stop.  I could go on and on about how horrible these books are. 

I don’t get it!  I don’t see the appeal.  It makes me want to burn something, burn sparkling vampires.  This is what girls read and dream about?  Have they nothing solid in their heads?  There were no morals, no themes, no depth. 

It makes me determined, to write my novel.  That’s the only good thing that will come from my having read these detestable stories. 

Do you know what the sad part about this is?  I am now going to force myself to watch the movies.  It’s more continued research.  I’m curious as to how this crap translates onto the big screen.  It seems like any decent book gets smashed to bits to be put into a 2 hour movie.  A simple thing like probably gets adapted quite well into a movie though. 

Honestly, cry for me.  I fear I will have no strength afterwards to do so for myself. 

The Calm before the Storm

There are times when I have witty posts of observations about life and the joys and sorrows of being human.  Unfortunately, this is not one of those times.  The holidays are coming closer.  Deadlines must be met!  My mind gets obsessed over things like that. 

The house is fairly clean.  Cookies have been baked.  The pumpkin pie has been baked.  We are ready for Thanksgiving!  I’m looking forward to it.  Holiday shopping is getting done.  The holiday pic has been taken and now just needs to be added to the cards.  Then boxes will be mailed off on time and all will be done for the holidays til the big day of opening presents and being with family.  I repeat, I’m actually looking forwards to things and not getting stressed about just the idea of it all.  Who knows though? This might just be the calm before the storm and then the mass panic will happen but til then, I’m going to enjoy things!

Happy birthday to me!

Yup, it’s my birthday, and the curse continues!  No lie, something always goes wrong on my birthday.  People usually get bad luck on Friday the 13th or something like that.  The funny part is that Friday the 13th is my lucky day.  I usually find money on the ground, everyone is super nice or just in general something good happens.  My birthday is the cursed day.  Something always goes wrong, whether someone is rude to me for no apparent reason, I lose something, something just in general goes wrong.  This year is no big deal.  All I wanted was an ice cream cake.  My husband bought me a cake and he thought it was an ice cream cake.  It was just a regular ice cream cake that was stuck into the freezer where ice cream cakes were supposed to be at.  Honestly, it just figures.  LoL.  I appreciate the fact that he tried and I don’t blame him for the mistake at all.  It was the birthday curse!  A toast-here’s to another year of me and may next year the curse be broken! 

Happy Everything!

Today has a double meaning for me and my family.  It is, of course, Veteran’s Day.  My husband has been in the army for almost 9 years now.  He’s been deployed twice.  So, honor all those who have given up so much to serve our country.  The other special thing about today is that it is my daughter’s birthday.  She is 3 years old.  She’s no longer a baby!  Just a few days ago, my husband and I celebrated our 8 year anniversary.  In another few days will be my birthday.  I’m not quite 30 yet.  So celebrate, people!  That’s all I have to say for today. 

I wanna be a Gilmore Girl!

Remember that show Gilmore Girls that was horribly canceled before its time?  It’s about these 2 crazy women, a mother and a daughter, who talked fast with crazy culture references who lived in a town with quirky neighbors and friends.  I loved that show.  I still love that show.  I miss that show!  How could they let that show be canceled??  It makes me cry!  Seriously there wasn’t anything like it on before and I doubt there ever will be.  It was a great show.  It was fun, funny, smart, quirky with a great portrayal of different relationships.  It’s the kind of relationship I hope to have with my daughter.  Maybe I can get her to watch the show with me . . .yeah, I doubt it but a girl can dream.  I doubt it would translate well but maybe they could bring it back as a movie? 

In case you have forgotten, I’ve been watching the show as part of my mini-vacation and I’ve been enjoying it muchly!