Curvy, stick . . .am I a road?

I wore a dress a few weeks ago. Yes, it was indeed a miracle of all miracles that I wore a dress but well, I got to shake things up every so often and not let people start thinking I'm all predictable.  Besides, it was my daughter's preschool graduation and my husband's birthday soon. Anyway, I was actually happy with my appearance. It was a nice color, covered everything while still showing that I am indeed a female. I even posted the pic on FB, sort of a proof that I can be a girly-girl just once every couple of years or so. I got a few compliments but honestly, I was posting more for the shock value. One of the comments was something along the lines of: "You go, girl and show off those curves!" I know she meant it as a compliment of being proud of my body but the statement made me really think about such things as body image and all that.

First off, to set the record clear, I'm fairly neutral about my self-image. I don't believe myself to be beautiful but I don't believe myself to be ugly either, but nor do I believe myself to be plain. I'm me and that's easy and more than enough for me.  There is no one else like me, looks or personality-wise and honestly, I take comfort in that. Anyway, the point is that I'm not fat but I'm no way near skinny. Weight-wise, I'm average with being able to wear Medium sizes for the most part. I used to have less weight on my frame but I had a kid and I would rather focus my time and energy on other things than worry about being a smaller size. What I'm saying is that I wouldn't say no to losing weight but it's just not a priority. 

The point of what I'm trying to say is that why is an average sized woman considered to have curves? Shouldn't an average sized woman be considered just simply looking good? When did being stick thin start being called not curvy? Why is being considered above average sized as curvy or big boned? They're overweight. The human body has a limit to what is considered healthy. I just find it completing that body image has no bearing on healthy. Perhaps I'm missing something on this topic?

frenemy, be gone!

Did you have that moment when you realize that this heavy weight on your chest, that you never knew just how much it weighed you down, is suddenly gone?  This weight happens to be the mass of a certain person that used to be in your life.  Yeah, it's like that, but I'm not actually going to talk about any one person or specific situation.  Contrary to popular opinion, I don't trash people behind their back so there won't be details or any even mentioning of things that have directly happened to me.  No matter how vain the other person may be, I'm stating outright that this isn't about them, but about me and this is my blog so I'm allowed to talk about myself.  If I have something to say to someone, I say it to the person.  I actually wish the person the best in their life, as long as this person's life doesn't impede on my own.  What I'm here to talk about now are my own personal feelings about toxic people in general.

To be honest, I'm surprised how much lighter I feel, like I've been released from this trap that I hadn't even known had latched onto me and was squeezing the life out of me.  I hadn't realized how much weight I had given to such a bad situation, how guilty I felt over things that I knew made no logical sense but still worried about other people's feelings.  It was stupid of me really.  It wasn't my fault that my life didn't revolve around these other people and I felt bad about it, but no longer.  I'm free and it feels wonderful.  

The point to this post is an affirmation to myself and about myself.  I started this plan to a "Better Me."  It started out with the turtling myself for almost the past year as I contemplated what I thought of myself, what others think of me and what I thought of them.  I came to the conclusion that others may not be happy with me but that's fine as I'm happy with the choices I've made so far.  It's time that I focused on myself.  I have projects that I want to finish so that's what I'm going to do as I continue to take care of mine.  It's time to branch out again, open myself up to new experiences and all that.  At the end of the day, as long as the most important people around me are happy, that's what matters.  

& yup, here's some angry chick music.  

this is the song that never ends . . .

It goes on and on, my friend . . .No, I'll stop there.  There's no use in torturing you with that song.

I'm suffering enough.  I do indeed have a song stuck in my head.  I usually do have a song, a movie, random unwritten scenes and such running my head on top of my usual thought processes but this singular song seems to have the ability to almost drown everything else in my head.

So that I don't suffer alone, here ya go . . .

Again . . .

We're back here again. Bombs in Boston. . .why? I can only say that I have no words for this tragedy. My grief that this keeps happening is bottomless. My faith in humanity is shaken once again but it is never broken.

For that one person or group of people who caused this heinous act, there are more people who rushed in the destruction to help others who were caught in it. It is those people who reminds that there is indeed evil in this world but good will always endure. It is with those people that I stand with.

My thoughts and prayers are always with those who have been touched by the bad in the world but continue to be kind to all.

God bless you, Boston.

Dream within a dream

Cause that's how I feel. I recently just finished writing my second novel.

That's right second. I did indeed write a first novel, which if I could have my own way, it would never see the light of a printer. It was a story that I needed to get out of my system--part personal fantasy, part semi-auto graphical, part confession. It was therapeutic to get out of my system, even if it took forever to get out, almost 10 years. Once it was done though, it was like lifting a burden off my chest and I was able to move on.

My recently finished second novel took just under 2 years to write. It could most likely be considered a young adult fantasy novel. I adore the story, the characters and the plot. At this point, it needs major editing. I plan on taking a break for a week or more or less to try and catch up on other projects such as finish up a crochet project or 2, play a video game or 3 or even just catch up with some DVD that need to be watched. I doubt I'll actually wait too long before I jump back into the project but maybe a different path on the creative mind scape will appear so I certainly never know what my brain will throw at me. Once the major editing is done, I'll actually allow, maybe even encourage, others to read my work. Hopefully, they can give me some honest critique that will help improve my story in anyway possible. The last step is to actually send out queries to book agents and publishers. I have no idea if my story is good enough but I want to try.

So my dream of writing is just one step in a bigger dream of being published. As they say, go big or go home.

Photo evident

After about 2 years of searching and finding everything else under the roof, the photo album that I had last been working on has finally been found deep in the mines of the storage unit. I spent most of the weekend looking through all the pics that I have taken over the last 4 years, printing them out and arranging them in a semi-chronological order. After finishing that photo album, filling out another 2 albums that had been given to me a long while ago, I still had to go out and buy another album to catch up to the current year. I estimate I spent over $125 on ink, maybe more, and printed about 500 pics. That's a lot and a lot of work. It was totally worth it.

I adore photography. I'm an amateur at best but I really enjoy taking a snapshot of that moment in life so that you always have a visual reminder as it will never be as clear in the muddled human mind.

Vain like me?

It was Valentine's Day so to spend the day with my hubby, I had put my hair into braids while it was still wet the night before so it was all crimpy the next morning and put on some make up that morning. Also, I had recently gotten a new pair of glasses and it was 1 of those few and far away moments when I wasn't feeling completely blah about the way I looked. I thought to myself, 'Why the heck not?' I posted a pic of myself on FB. It's honestly one of the best pics ever taken of me. In fact, the hubby commented that it almost doesn't look like me. I got a lot of compliments. Honestly, I feel weird about getting so many compliments as it's just not something I'm used to.

That's not to say I don't get compliments at all. I have never based my self worth on my appearance. I make sure I am presentable with clothes that are comfortable but not too shabby and not at all revealing. I rarely wear make up. I actually didn't start wearing make up at all until my mid 20s. When I get compliments, it's usually over my intelligence or attitude or creativity and I prefer to be complimented on those things. I base my worth as a person on my skills, abilities and my willingness to work on and for things. I don't see myself as being vain or acting vain and do my best to not come across as vain, so it bothers me when someone even hints that I am.

1 of the comments I got after posting my pic was something along the lines of 'look at you all about pics.' I was like, 'wow, really?' I couldn't figure out why anyone would say I was 'all about pics' in relation to posting a singular pic of myself after I made myself pretty to spend Valentine's Day with my husband. Photography is a hobby of mine and I take tons of pics of people, places and things around me but it is rare that I am in front of the camera. The last pic that was taken of me was about 6 months ago and it was a pic of me shooting a bow for the first time and as it was such a momentous thing to me, I wanted a memento. The funny part is that I never asked anyone to take a pic of me shooting a bow for the first time, a person was simply kind enough to volunteer after hearing me say to myself it would be nice if I did get a pic. Anyway, I just felt it really out of place to have said I was 'all about pics' over 1 pic of myself in 6 months.

So the question is put out, am I vain? Are you vain? Who's vain like me?