Shell Shy

It's difficult being a person. I find myself to be more cat than a human at times. Once I like you, I claim you and I want all your attention. If I haven't claimed you, I'll take you in whatever doses I choose and no more. I'm perfectly happy being a hermit and not making an effort to talk to people who I'm not forced to see everyday and even with those people, I'm fine with simply not saying anything. I suppose that's just being an introvert though.

When things are difficult around me, I have a tendency to turtle myself in. When my emotions are chaotic and barely under my control I find it worse to be around people as their emotions tend to throw my own emotions off even more. This year has been very trying for me and my family so far so I've barely held onto my sense of self and have avoided people to not add to the drama that's already happening. The year is halfway through and I can't keep avoiding people, as much as I'd like to. I'm making steps to reach out to people again. 

Writing letters was the first step to getting used to the idea of starting conversation with people again. I started messaging people. I finally contacted someone to hang out, face to face. I'm getting there and hopefully it won't be long until I'm a person and not just a shell of a turtle.