This holiday seemed to really sneak up on me this year. Having a part time job really cut into time for those usual memory making traditions. As annual cycles go, it was not the best year for me personally. Too much bad stuff happened with the drama of loss of a significant family member and even the end of friendships for the betterment of myself but there was gain in family numbers with happy events and a birth which helped keep some emotional balance.
The lesson of the year is simply a commitment to self and to those that I love. It's an affirmation that my instincts are good and that I do indeed need to stick to my guns. Saying no does not make me a bad person but in fact, it makes me a better person. Knowing where my limits lay and when to push them or not go beyond them helps keep me on an even keel, which in turns prevent emotional leakage over to innocent people around me and puts me in a productive attitude. Saying a permanent goodbye to certain people is sometimes a better option than continually exerting myself for those who won't or can't do the same for me. Keeping those same people at arm's length or further is not being mean. It is me sticking with the decision that I made with no regrets. Refusing to be manipulated back into those situations reinforce the strength of my character. Though others may feel lesser of me, I feel better about myself and I am the only one who is and should be living my life.
This new year coming up seems to be gearing up for another period of major downs but hopefully there will be enough ups to help balance things.
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