Endless Night

I may have mentioned this before but I'm bipolar. It's difficult, to say the least though I will be the first to admit that I have it much easier than others. I have checks and balances that must be tripped successfully before I succumb usually. I'm able to usually tell when I'm in the middle of the episode when it does happen. I'm usually in pretty good control but not always and that's when it gets hard for me.

Being bipolar is a bit like being a reflection. I'm not a direct copy of the moods around me but an odd mixture of my own thoughts and the flowing emotions of everyone around me. I'm constantly on the edge and though I trip, I never fall to the bottom.

I'm sitting on the beach. Waves are constantly crashing against me. Sometimes I get wet. Sometimes there's enough time in between that I can dry off even. It's always close enough that I can feel droplets across my face. Nighttime is when I'm most calm and only have to worry about seeing myself. I'm surrounded in darkness with the starlight reflecting above and before me. It's an endless stream of thought. During the day, that's when there are others on the beach surrounding me. They crash into the ocean sometimes splashing me til I'm dripping wet with ocean water and I can taste it. Other times they're just in my peripheral vision as they come in and out with their emotions. Too many times they've dragged me into the surf and I've almost drowned. Sometimes they even rescue me but it's usually just me, pulling myself out inch by inch as the sand continues to fall into the ocean.

Sometimes I wish it was just me on my night beach but I would miss the people. I wouldn't mind an little more time there though.